Am I ready to give my heart? (Part1)

 
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Are you willing to take the risk of giving  your heart to someone else?

True Love? I myself don’t know what is the meaning of true love. For my 26th years of existence here on earth I can’t still define “True Love”. YES I did love GOD, my family, friends, but the main question is “How about loving a man?..hmmm – I dunno the answer yet, because that’s also my question to myself.

I’m already 26 years old and has NEVER had a boyfriend since birth. Yes I am a certified one! And the hardest questions I’ve encountered all the time is the  most favorite one “Do you have a boyfriend”? – NO, I haven’t  a boyfriend yet. but “WHY? – sigh.

These questions remain rhetorical if you ask me, because quite frankly they are very difficult to answer.

Well, to answer these questions, I have outlined  the possible reasons why I can’t define LOVE for a man and why I am still single.

  1. My wrong perception about men. 

Because I believed that men are born to be polygamous”. I have said this because if you look at history, in early states, popes and emperors had hundreds of concubines and because of that many men acquired the wrong beliefs that if they own lots of women   it makes them stronger and look macho on the eyes of many people.

Contrary to this beliefs  – a stronger man for me is a faithful one, GOD fearing and has the guts to protect his partner regardless of the hardships and difficulties he may encounter in life. Most importantly, a true man has the value of honor and respect to his one and only woman.

2. I am afraid of getting hurt.

Yes! that’s true. I am afraid of getting hurt by a man. I know for a fact that entering into a relationship is not an easy task, because temptations always follows. Also, you should  face the reality that in a relationship you have to take the risk of loving him regardless of his being unfaithful and unworthy.

3. I might one of his rebound.

Admit it or not, we all know that some of the men has this “Rebound thing” in their failed long/short-term relationship. I might just end up a Band-Aid of his unresolved pain and rejections because maybe I am too nice to him and he thought that I can be his companion just only for a moment and that’s it!! NO feeling of love at all.

And maybe I am just an option and not a choice! And he really don’t care for my feelings at all. What he really want is a person to rely on and a person who can stand on his side for the meantime because of his unwanted feelings of being a single again. In short, you’re just a replacement only.

And he might also take advantage on me because he knows for a fact that I never had a boyfriend and ofcourse he will grab the opportunity to be with me temporarily.

3. I am being haunted of my “What IFs”.

What if he may lose interest in me because I am not the perfect girl he thinks of?

What if he compares me from his past relationship? How can I handle?

What if he is not interested in me, he only wants to hurt my feelings?

What if I’m just only an option and not a choice?

What if he is cheating on me?

What if I am not worthy to love?

What if he become unfaithful and dishonest to me? How far I’ll go to fight for my love and save our relationship?

What if I give all the love to him, my faithfulness, my all in all, my perseverance to work out and save our relationship, thus, end up in getting hurt? How can I handle those pain and heartaches?

And YES those” ifs” still hunting my minds.

If you are wondering, if I did fall in love – Yes I am. Maybe there’s something in me that blocking my feelings to someone else. Some says, maybe you’re too picky? – No, I am not,  But then “WHY”?.

Do you really want to know?

Aside from my what Ifs. It’s just simple.

– It is because I have a low self-esteem.

– I don’t have the confidence to take the risk in entering into a relationship.

– Because I am not pretty enough for anybody to choose me and stay.

– I am not worthy to love?

– I don’t have that confidence on myself.

– I feel that I am only an option and not a choice.

– I can’t express my feelings.

– I have a lot of insecurities within me.

– I have imperfections.

– I am afraid to fall in love, might end up getting hurt…

And…

I feel that there is an empty space within me and I don’t know how to fill in.

These beliefs is stuck with me that I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore.

I HOPE one DAY I can escape with these feelings of emptiness…

And to answer the question ” Am I ready to give my Heart?

– No I’m not ready yet.

 

 

 

 

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P.S. This only my own opinion and It is not my intention to give out negative impressions to other people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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